...snif...

I was helping the boys into their pyjamas after dinner tonight, while Jean-Philippe washed the dishes. We'd promised the boys we'd all watch a movie together, and they were really excited, partly because we'd told them it would be a 'big kid' movie (Inner Space, as it were). It had been a perfectly lovely day-into-the-evening; the boys were all squirrely and jabbering away... I don't remember exactly what thought/memory set things off, but suddenly (quite seriously: it was like being struck by lightning, blinded for a moment, bowled over) I was hit by this series of memories of and thoughts about David, and tears started falling with no warning at all, fast and hard. Leo was standing over me with his hand on my shoulder as I helped him. He ducked his head down and said, "Mommy? Crying?" When I said, "Yeah," he bent down and tenderly encircled me in his arms, then kissed my cheek very softly and went back to hugging and hugging me. Tomi leaned over and gently put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Mommy, don't cry." A bit later, they asked me why I was crying. I think they sort of understood. Whether they did or not, I feel... well, you can't really put this kind of feeling into words, can you? So I won't. Except to say that I would never have believed that I could love them any more than I already did - but I was wrong.